Okay, I'm going to be vulnerable.
If you know me, you are likely familiar with this personal characteristic... I do not easily trust people. I hate this about myself, because the Bible is very clear that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, and love always trusts... But still, I find myself reflecting once again on how little I actually extend my trust to another human being.
Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that I am trusting. I go on thinking this way because my friends and loved ones are very gracious and do not just outright tell me that I am bad at trusting them. But every now and then I get a wake up call. A test of trust will arise in a relationship and what is my first response? I assume that they never really loved me at all and I was right all along in never trusting another person with my heart. How juvanile is that??? I am now mature enough to rethink that initial reponse and recognize that more often than not, this person has been completely trustworthy. Am I willing to throw out the numerous occasions in which they proved themselves a true and dear friend or loved one just becuase of one silly instance in which I was caused to doubt?
I want to be a person that has faith in other people. I want to have the courage to invest my heart into others, not fearing whether or not I will get hurt or be rejected. Somehow connected to that is my need to believe in myself. Our approach to loving others more often than not is a reflection of ourselves rather than the other person. Why am I a person who doesn't trust others, or at least not easily, and is quick to assume the worst in another person's motives? That is not about them, it is about me.
Well, this is a new mountain I am determined to conquer in my life, though I know it will take time. God has graciously brought us to a place where we are loved and safe in new and beautiful friendships (though our old ones are wonderful, too!). It is the perfect environment for God to teach me about loving others with a love that always trusts.
Father, strenghten my heart and give me courage to trust where you have called me to. Give me the strength to invest myself into my husband, my daughter, my friends and family, and others in our ministry... unto life. Your life and blessing in my heart is meant to be a blessing to others... to multiply. Help me follow your Spirit, my heart and mind gaurded in Christ Jesus, and bring glory to your Name as you multiply in others the good work you have done in me. All honor and glory and praise be unto your name! Amen
