A new day.

I am so thankful for a friend of mine, with whom I shared my heart in the struggles surrounding our family right now. Through much prayer earlier this morning, and pouring my honest feelings before the Lord, and then that uplifting conversation with a sister in Christ, I am again renewed in my strength of faith, empowered by His Spirit.

Sometimes it's easy to confuse God, spirituality, and life circumstances. It's easy to get caught up in the why's and the why not's. I found myself in that position. The house that we thought was a blessing from the Lord turned out to be a disastrous situation that looms still overhead. There are lawsuits and other financial nightmares looming all around us and we are standing here saying, "God, what is this? What now?"

Lynn found great strength in the Sriptures about Daniel in the lion's den. When a man is innocent and integrous, remaining faithful to God no matter the consequences, sometimes God sees fit to silence the roaring lions and protect His children. Somtimes, like the three faithful, He stands with them in the fire, not allowing them to be burned. My test has come in to play for those situtions when God chooses not to intervene. What about the martyrs who did burn in the fires? What about the Christians who are not healed or kept from the lions? There are many beilevers in the body right now struggling with these very issues. There are many who are experiences heart aches and disappointments. How do we deal with these?

What has changed my heart today is God bringing tears to my eyes at the revelation of His grieving heart to my own grieving heart. I broke at the realization that I had been angry with Him for things that He Himself is broken over. The amount of times throughout the history of God's people that we have done that very thing is innumerable. God grieves for us, He grieved over Jerusalem though they would not receive Him, and then we blame Him in the end for bad things that happen. Forgive me, Lord, for my selfishness and childish anger.

It is very easy in times of distress to lose sight of the simplicity of the gospel. My Father loves me and is with me to the end because Jesus came and gave His life in order that we might have life and life to the fullest. My destiny is with Him; my eterna home is with Him. The rest is history, really, though we don't always like letting it go.

Father, I thank you for your love. I thank you for your grace. I thank you that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that you bestow favor on your children. Please bestow favor on Lynn and I in the situation. Please work out your will here on earth as it is in heven among your children today. May we be humble servants who stand in integrity that we might glorify your name.

Be glorified, Father.

Stress.

Wow. This has been a stressfull few weeks. Lynn and I have discovered that our favorite way of dealing with stress is sleeping :) We are so tired and can sleep almost all day! It's very uncharacteristic of both us; yet there we lie...

I have been so angry with the Lord. There are some reasons for which I cannot share, but these past few weeks have really been a test of faith. They challenged who I believed the Lord to be and confronted me with the reality that I cannot hold the Lord to certain expectations that were ordained by me and not by Him. By that I mean to say that God is the one who binds Himself to any covenant or promise, and no one can else can decide how He must show Himself faithful. Last week I found myself wanting to make certain conculsions about the Lord's actions based on truths about who He is. For example, I wanted to say, "If you are good than you will do this to show yourself good in this situation," or "If you are a good Father who gives good gifts to His children, than surely you will respond this way." God challenged me to have the faith that releases Him to decide what it means to be God in a given situation. He must be free to be Himself, and then have the freedom to choose how He is going to act or move in a given situation based on His character and perspective over all things.

This has been a hard season of growth, but my joy remains. I know years from now, this mountain will seem small and insignificant, like a little snag in the journey...

We had our end of the year choir party last night and several beautiful women of God spoke powerful truths straight into my heart. It has been challenging to believe that God still has a plan and is bringing us into something better. It felt like He really let me down. I had thought, "Okay, I have to be patient to wait until the eleventh hour," but still God didn't show up and things got worse. I know that He was there all along; it was just so disillusioning for Him not to move how I thought He was going to. Thankfully, God used thse women to edify my spirit and encourage my faith once again. He hasn't left us and He still does have a plan. His plan is still good and He is working it out as we speak. He sees the big picture that I cannot and has been involved in these details all along. I can trust in His goodness and His faithfulness. But I must remember to fear Him and respect Him as the one holding the authority to work out His will and not mine. Though He is good, He is also God. In my stress, I must be still, and know that He is God, submitting and trusting, and resting in His good nature.

I also realized through all of this that I was making my love conditional based on His actions. My worship became tainted because I was disillusioned about who He really is. He spoke to me this morning in His unconditional love for me and I felt how I had grieved His heart by not trusting Him and offering Him that same love without condition.

We are still in this very stressful situation, but thankfully, my heart is finding its way bake to its eternal home - in the refuge of my Father's arms, sheltered under his wings of grace.

I love you, Lord. Thank you for being my good Father, my Sovereign Lord and Servant King. I bow before you, overflowing with joy that you have extended the sceptor of your grace once again, allowing me to approach your throne, bringing my heart, my wounds, my hurts, and fears. Purify me again Sovereign Lord!

A shift.

Lynn and I had a very interesting conversation with some of our friends and a guest from YWAM (Youth with a Mission). We talked about the effective and ineffective aspects of short term missions (in general). This man from YWAM had some very interesting observations concerning the state of the local communities from which youth leave in order to travel the world and do missions. He talked about the importance of a trade so that you have something to give to a community and the importance of long term investment. He was not saying that short term missions trips and organizations are ineffective, but was suggesting some pros and cons that are important to think about. He is a very good "big picture thinker". He wants to know what effects will be long lasting to a community after a team has visited.

God confirmed some things in my own mind and heart throughout this conversation that I was seeing in the spiritual realm. I started trying to explain, but didn't do a very good job... I just new that God was bringing about a shift in our culture and how we do and perceive ministry. Because of very natural factors of how our world has progressed and the state of our culture today, our younger generations just cannot function the way previous generations have. It's like a relay race when it becomes apparent to the one running with the baton that those who have gone behind had gotten slightly off track and a shift has to take place in order to continue running an effective race in the power of the Holy Spirit and in order to point the next runner in the right place.

I was interested to read a "prophetic council report" (www.ears2hear.ca) that I check up on every now and then that said these very words:

...this is a convergence of times. [The Lord said] “this is the angel of the winds of change, and it’s about to decree a change in the times and seasons.”

There was a lot more to that prophecy, but I cannot write the whole thing... But affirm in my own spirit that God is sending forth His mighty wind and it will bring a change in the times and the seasons.

Our generation and the one behind has such an awesome opportunity. We really need to step up to the plate, take responsibility for ourselves, and begin moving and living in the power of the Holy Spirit, bearing His beautiful fruit in our lives as we reflect His image to a world in major need of direction and salvation.

Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord.

They will know we are Christians by our love.

Love the Lord your God... and love your neighbor as yourself...

Unceasing prayers...

There are many heart-breaking situations going on around me...

A young lady very close to our congregation's heart is dying of cancer. They have been praying for her for years, and were sure God was going to heal her. She has just been sent home to spend her last few days there...

Another friend has just experienced a very painful heart-break that may not be appropriate to paste on the internet... It was a situation where a blessing from God turned into a heart ache...

Lynn and I are experiencing our own little heart ache because we're losing our home... This is not the same as the others, just minor in comparison. But it too was a situation where God seemed to be providing something and then seemed not to come through.

I know better, Lord, but can you please show me Yourself in all of this? I know I am not to lean on my own understanding, but can you show me what you up to?

All I can think of today is the dream/vision I had had several months ago where the windstorm of the Holy Spirit swept through. Except it didn't come as one might have expected... It brought destruction and many were broken hearted and confused. I remember clinging to Lynn in the midst of it and also knowing that our house had gone down in the storm.

Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts and Your ways higher than my ways...

Be my Rock and my Fortress, O Lord.

He comes to us in the midst of the storm, walking on the water as they toss to and fro and He beckons us to step out onto them and draw near...

Lead us through the storms, O Lord. Guide us in Your everlasting light. Make a way in the wilderness and a path in deserts for your living water to flow forth.

Help us, O Lord, as we seek to know and do your will.

Grand Manan

I have been enjoying a beautiful vacation with Joy on Grand Manan Island. We've gone for walks on the beautiful beaches and along a boardwalk that was breathtaking!

It has been exciting to be here and meet the Lord in what He's doing on this Island. I arrived off the boat Tuesday afternoon and was instantly met with, "You are supposed to be here!" :) Joy and I love to minister together and had surprise opportunities to do so. It is a wonderful experience to go with the Lord every day and never know what He's going to bring across your path.

Well, I think I am finally making the move and getting my hair cut. I have wanted it short for a long time now, but haven't been able to commit to consistently keeping up a short due. Now that we're settled in one town, it will be easier to find someone who does hair who I like it and go regularly... (Though I'm going to get the first cut here on Grand Manan with a certain "Julie" who is the best hair cutter in the world!)

So next time you see me... I may or may not look very different!!! (I almost got a little nose ring, but they actually don't do it here on the island... Then I would have looked quite different!)

Joy and I rented two movies the other night:
1. Because I Said So - Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore
2. Music and Lyrics - Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore

They were both cute chick flicks, though surprisingly rated PG. There was nothing overly inappropriate in them, but I still picture PG as being little Disney movies or something... Anyway.

I have been "helping" Joy with some good healthy recipes, and have some new ones for our recipe blog. Hopefully I'll get them posted early next week.

I return home Saturday, after a long string of travel options connected together to get me from point A to point B. I look forward to seeing my husband again and arriving home with my family who are coming to Truro this weekend to see our Choir Concert of Praise coming up this Sunday night.

God bless!

One day home.

I arrived home from last weekend's retreat around 7:00 pm last night with my ride (and friend!), Doris Fahey. (She is the lady who came to my graduation for those of you who met her there.)

We had such a wonderful time in the presence of the Lord! He met each one of us there in a personal and intimate way. Our faces were shining with the light of His glory as we sat, stood, and sang in His presence. It was so awesome to get to know Joan Binderup as well, our speaker, who is the newest pastor's wife at our church (newer than me!) She has a powerful testimony and guided us in wisdom and revelation. She spoke so clearly and simply and had very practical discussion questions for our sharing groups after the sessions. It all felt so natural in the flow of the Holy Spirit. It was beautiful.

I am home now preparing to leave early tomorrow morning for a week with my dear friend, Joy Green, on Grand Manan Island. I am so thankful for this opportunity at such an opportune time.

Ladies Retreat

Well, I have my bundle of tracks, my worship binder, my jump drive, and I'm off for our Ladies Retreat weekend...

We are celebrating Christ-mas this June retreat :) The focused passage of Scripture is John 1. When I was given our theme, I thought, "What could possibly be more exciting to a worship leader than a theme about God dwelling among us!? How perfect could it get?"

So, here I go, ready to celebrate the presence of the Lord among us with a bunch of women I don't or barely know in a rather rustic camp (so I'm told) for three days...

Pray for me!

Summer fun.

We currently have no available funds for hobbies; though I am trusting this to change in the "near" future...

...but these are my much desired hobbies:

1. Gardening - This does take some money, but is also a little more necessary than most hobbies. However, I am currently loving it. I can't see myself going hardcore or anything; but I love the therapy involved in working with the natural dirt and life of the earth.

2. Piano - This is not so much a hobby... but lately, a freedom (playing mostly by ear) has recently opened up for me on the piano. We have been praying for a piano for years now, but I am especially anxious for one now that I have been able to write more music and be more free to play. I need work, but hope to work up the skill and confidence to be able to play for myself when worship leading on retreats like this weekend...

3. Pottery - I had the opportunity to try working on the wheel in Presque Isle, ME, and I haven't been able to get it off my mind. I go into "Thrown Together Pottery" here in town regularly, just waiting for the funds to take lessons. It's quite reasonible and I am very confident that there will come a day...

4. Horse Back Riding - This has been a craving of mine for almost a year now. On the farm on PEI, my aunt Fay owned a horse, and horses were a part of our daily lives. My cousins all took riding lessons, and I casually rode, but not regularly. For some reason, I get such a craving to be around horses again I can hardly stand it. Most of the girls in our youth group here ride and there are many places available for lessons and such...

So far, the warm weather this summer (as limited as it may be!) has charged me with an abundance of energy! I LOVE being outdoors, going hiking/walking, being in the garden, etc... I am so blessed and thankful to the Lord that I am healthy enough to enjoy life outside. I am still progressing and hope to continue to do so for the rest of my young life :).

Life!

Isn't life awesome :)

What would it be like if we were all boring, static creatures? Instead, we're made in His image to be creative, alive, dynamic, and... wild!

I have been so blessed by God's aliveness this past week! I love that He is too wild to be tamed! I love that He is unpredictable! I love that I can trust in His nature, but can enjoy the ever flowing river of His abundant Life, changing tides and currents when least expected.

What would I do if I had to bear the worries and cares of tomorrow? Instead I can bask in His life and provision today - for our food, shelter, and clothing. Tomorrow is in the hands of my awesome God, my Abba Father, my tender Daddy.

I am so excited about things God is stirring in my spirit. He has been speaking to me. He has been reminding me that though He may pour out His blessings, he is unpredictable in His ways, and therefore those blessings are not ours to hold on to for security. He alone is our security, in all of His wildness and vitality. We must trust that in all things He is goodness through and through.

I love Him :) ...and I love life in Him.

Let them give thanks to the Lord for his loyal love,
and for the amazing things he has done for people!
Psalm 107:8

Just saying.

I would just like to say that everything in life doesn't come down to some super spiritual root of sin like pride or fear or whatever. Our spirit is a very crucial part of us and I believe so strongly in the reality of a spiritual realm that surpasses our own reality. But God is a down to earth God! ...literally! He came down to this earth and walked and talked. He had relationship with people and called the little children unto Himself. He never once gave the impression that knowing Him, knowing truth, was hard and complicated, mystical and deep...

Gnosticism was a form of heresy in the first century and afterward. It was a heresy built on pride - you had to attain to higher and higher levels of knowledge in order to know God.

Sometimes I think gnosticism is still around. ...as if you had attain to some higher and higher level of spirituality in order to know God and have intimacy with Him. Well, I think it is quite the opposite. I think we have to go lower and lower, and become as lowly and simple as little children in order to know God and experience intimacy with Him.

Those of us who come from Bible college face a real danger of falling into "gnosticism". We are blessed with so much spiritual knowledge, but also have insecurities that tempt us to compare our own spirituality with that of others.

O God, help us to know you in simplicity! Help us to meet you down to earth, lowly and contrite in spirit, and then let you take us in into higher places with you if you so desire.