Another new beginning

Seasons come and seasons go.

We've had an incredible summer, travelling and visiting with family both in the Maritimes and in Delaware. Now we, along with the rest of North America, are tying up loose ends and finalizing our schedule for another Fall.

I love having the hand of God over my life and my family. Scheduling is not something we do alone, but one that requires a lot of divine input! This Fall, one of the major changes for us, is that I have been accepted into the MDIV Honours masters program at Acadia University. I am starting with Greek, one year-long course, that is being held in Bedford ( a little closer to home for commuting!!) I am excited to dive in!

Our girls are amazing and growing faster than my mother heart can bear. As Alea comes closer and closer to her first birthday, I find myself thinking, "I'll never have this day to see and be with my daughters ever again." What a sobering thought!! I just want to breathe them in so I don't get to the end of these "early years" and realize it went too quickly and I didn't enjoy it for all its worth. I guess I just know it'll be over soon. Motherhood has definitely been the hardest challenge of my life so far, but it has also been the most rewarding and holds the most treasured memories of all time. Lynn seems to move through change so smoothly and gracefully, but I have to stumble and grieve, wonder and meditate, ponder and empathize... Change always happens, but the basic truth is: I never like it, until I'm settled in the new season and have to start letting go all over again :).

So another new beginning... Here it comes!! I welcome you!! :) I am going to dive in to my Greek, cherish every day I have with my daughters (except maybe a few...), sing a little, teach a little, and hopefully keep the house running without stressing about it.... (All things are possible, right?)

Blessings this Fall!!!

Listening.

Life is so full. I am so glad to say that I am MOSTLY adjusted to having two young children. I am just as exhausted as ever, but am no longer adjusting to this fast pace life... just trying to live it!! Oh God, help me keep up!!

Tonight, the theme (sort of) from our past Ladies Retreat is echoing in my ear... "What if it's God speaking?"

As a believer who is in fact in love with Jesus, I want to be a listener. I want to listen to God's heart and receive Him as though He were my own. I want His words to rest strong and confident at the core of who I am. In the midst of the fullness of life, I long for Him as a deer pants after streams of water (Ps 42:1).

I am learning that being with God, listening to God, is a great challenge. It requires healthy boundaries (which I do not always have) to protect my "core" and maintain it as a dwelling my place for God's living Word (Eph 2:22). It also requires a lot of refining, because righteousness and justice are the foundation of [His] throne (Ps 89:14). God's dwelling place is holy ground and we are to be holy as He is holy (1 Pet 1:16).

Another challenge to listening is what comes out of my mouth. God keeps saying to me: "Natasha, rein in your tongue. If you want to receive my words I have to be Lord of your tongue." If I want God's Word to be alive and active in me, than what comes out of me better be the Word! I am so challenged by this! It is my responsibility to keep my tongue submitted before Him. It is counterproductive for me to seek God's words of life and then go about speaking death and all manner of unrighteous, negative, or self-centered thoughts. Maybe this is what God meant when He said, Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. (Phil 4:8-9, NLT)

I have peace when what comes out of my mouth is in agreement with the Word of God living within me, or when I have healthy boundaries to stay true to my "core".

God strengthen me in my faith. Keep my feet planted on your solid rock. Keep teaching me how to live this life being in the world but not of it. Teach me how to listen, to have the Word of God alive and active in my life. Help me to receive your words and be the Lord of my tongue!! I am yours. My arms are open. Teach me! Shape me! Mold me! Break me!

Global Mentality in Worship.

Question...

In the book "marked", Faytene Kryskow remarks about our generation (and those following) that we have a "conquer-the-world" mindset. I believe this is true. It interests me that the older generations do not have that mindset. Do you think this plays a major role in church "worship wars" between generations?

Tonight I enjoyed a beautiful and worshipful hymn-sing in our home at our choir party. Many of the songs, however beautiful, lack a missional mentality. They are often exalting, or full of thankfulness and joy regarding our salvation... but they often do not reflect a "conquer-the-world" mentality (obviously, considering when they were written). I would be singing and enjoying, and then instinctively think, "Okay, now let's get onto saving the world, or interceding for the poor and needy, or..." To the elder, perhaps these songs do reflect a missional mindset; but to the younger they lack a global, multi-cultural, reflecting people with multi-backgrounds, and a world mission mindset.

Do you think this is one of the primary generational gaps existing between the older and younger generations in our churches today? This is an old question I know. I hadn't grasped the difference in our thinking in this way before recently. I am so hungry to see unity in the church and between generations! Do you think the older generations can adjust to a newer mentality totally different from the one they were brought up in? (I am quite certain it cannot adjust the other way.) Do you think it is necessary that they do? Is it better to avoid the topic and hope we'll eventually learn to worship Jesus together and find unity? Or do some things need to be called out and dealt with?

Anyway... just some of my random thoughts at the end of a very long day :)

Thank you choir for a wonderful party!

In Love With Jesus

God had a special reunion time planned for the two of us this past weekend at Ladies Retreat. Oh it was just so refreshing to remember that He is my love!!! I would like to think that I wouldn't forget such an important truth, but I did. I was distracted by business and worried about my daughters and ministry family dynamics. I was stressed about housework and other's (perceived) expectations. I was fighting some of the old habits of feeling shame and fear... All in all, my center was wobbling. Not toppling or anything like that, just a little off kilter.

I have been reading "Marked" by Faytene Kryskow and loving it! (Thank you, Diana!!) God had some very specific words for me about destiny, consecration, and revelation. It seems that with young children, I have to fight to press into the Word. God seems to be saying to me... "Things are moving too fast, Natasha. Keep in step with the Spirit! Young kids or not..." My kids are not an excuse to worry, to be distracted, or to compromise in any way the entire consecration I give to the author of my destiny, the lover of my soul.

So I am renewed, refreshed, and reignited in my passion to be in His Presence, to soak in the Word until it becomes the rock beneath my feet, a firm foundation on which I can hold my head high and stand firm against the enemy. I choose to follow Christ. There is nothing else more important than that.

I am in love with you, Jesus. I am yours. I will be strong and courageous. I will speak. I will write. I am submitted to your will. Oh help me to be brave!!!

Sleep.

Why can't sleep be a given in life.

Why is that I have to choose between mental "me" time or sleep, a clean kitchen or sleep, social evening with friends or sleep, facebooking/blogging like right now or sleep???

Sleep is a precious thing. Something I have no desire to live without and yet find myself somehow functioning with very little of. It messes with my head and makes me do crazy things. If I'm not careful, it becomes the longing and desire of my heart. Cuddling in bed with Lynn. No thanks. Roll over and go to sleep! Staying awake at night to pray and do intercession in the Spirit... I think God has stopped asking me because He already knows the answer. "Not now."

I have very strong and loving relationships with both God and my husband, but sleep is just something that I need. How is it possible to function without it? and yet we do. How will I ever want to have another baby if it means even less sleep?

Right now I'd take sleep over all. Mmmmm, sleep.

I guess that's the end of my post. I'm going to bed.

Goodnight world. Goodnight dishes. Goodnight friends. Goodnight kisses.

"That" Mom

What is it about "that" mom?

I have a "mom" complex. I am desperately insecure about not being "that" mom, while simultaneously being dreadfully afraid about being "that" mom. Let me explain.

My grandmother, Mom, and older sister are all supermoms. They cook, clean, and mother beautiful children (I realize I'm indirectly complimenting myself here...). My grandmother and mom each had four, but my amazing sister takes it to a whole new level. She has four kids, ages four and under, is homeschooling, and still plans to have more. Moms like her cause me to doubt my own mothering ability and wish I were one of "those" moms...

On the other hand, I don't ever want to be"that" mom. "That" mom whose kids are running amok in the grocery store, throwing fits in the aisles and holding up the check-out line. "That" mom who loses it in frustration and receives downward glances from the other onlooking moms. "That" mom who looks like she doesn't have it altogether...

What does God require of me as a mom? How do I discover my unique gifts and qualities as a mom and learn to walk in peace and wisdom as the mom God created me to be. How do I keep from comparing and pretending and striving to meet the perceived expectations of other moms instead of my God's?

I say all this to say... Help! I want to be a woman, and mom, that reflects the character and integrity of the Word. God is weeding through my fears and ungodly expectations. I can feel how I am going against the grain of other parents I meet in our community. I am so exhausted I can barely stay standing throughout the day.

I am "that" mom. I am "that" mom who stands on the word, who worships the King of Kings, who rely's on God's grace to get through a day. I am "that" mom who loses her temper, gets tired of reading stories, is overwhelmed by housework, but is dedicated to discipling our girls. I am "that" mom who lays her head on her pillow, closes her eyes, and hears the Word of God stirring in her spirit.

"God I don't know all that went on today, the ups and downs and ins and outs, but I know Your Presence is with us. Lead and guide us each day. Show me the way! As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!!!"

Running in Victory

For several years now, I have been walking out of physical sickness and weakness by faith. It has felt like an uphill climb with many ups and downs during prenatal and postnatal segments, etc. In the meantime God used the daily pain and struggle to stir up all my lovely baggage and do the hard work of building a foundation of truth in my thinking. The kind of truth that sets you free (John 8:32).

For a long time I have been "walking" a slow walk with a distant hope of someday tasting physical strength and health. I believe healing is necessary for my faithfulness to God's call on my life. My family also needs me strong. I also believe it is a part of my worship, to love Him with all my strength. So... when Graves disease began to reappear after Alea's birth (which is how I once again lost almost all my baby weight within a two week period... It's not all hearts and flowers women!) I knew it was time. My life would either forever remain under the weight of physical oppression, or it was time to live in victory. (I'm talking about a spiritual battle to overcome strongholds in my own life that keep me from God's plan, not some sort of prosperity/health gospel.)

So, on the way to get my bloodwork done, I said, "Okay God, you know what this means. Are you going to do this or aren't you?" And He said, "Are you going to believe me?" It was settled and inside I knew I was healed of Graves Disease.

Since then I have had the most exhilarating stirring in my spirit to run. There's no more slow uphill climb. Instead God says, "Come on! It's time! Let's go. Pick up your feet and run!!!" At the same time, I came across an article on mothers who take to running after having babies for exercise and personal time. The article included a reasonable looking game plan for training yourself as a runner. I'm not saying I'm training to become an official runner, but I am going to run toward strength, health, and wholeness. It's not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit says the Lord! (Zech 4:6)

I ran for the first time last night. If I hadn't have known how to breathe I would definately have fainted! :) Lynn wasn't entirely pleased with me because I had to go late at night in the dark when he was home to stay with the girls (who were in bed), I don't have proper running shoes, and I may have pushed myself a little hard for the first time because I didn't have a watch to accurately time the running vs walking segments... Still it felt exhilarating!!!

So, hear I go, on wings as eagles I am picking up my feet and running in victory!! I'd appreciate any of your prayers and support to stay the course and build strength in my very weary body.