Journeying.

Even though I have not been posting... I have so much to say!!!! I hope to blog more, but just haven't made it a priority amidst the craziness of family, church, business, etc! My goodness life is different with a little monkey who refuses to sleep and already knows exactly how to push my buttons and throw tantrums all day long, and then be the most delightful child you could imagine all at the same time :) She's complex like me :) Though she's a lot like Lynn too.

Anyway, I have a lot I'd like to write about, but for now, since I really want to be sleeping... Hmmmm, sleep... suffice to say that God continues to work in my heart and draw me closer to Him. I have been so dissatisfied with the "quantity" of Holy Spirit at work in my life right now. I am so exhausted and of course am not spending time in the word as I used to. I am getting drained, and need to recharge spiritually, re-center myself on Christ, re-ground in the Word. No matter what season I am in, I want to have a listening heart that is attuned to the voice of the Spirit and can obey under His anointing. I want my life to be marked with His love and power. I want my faith to grow to a place of impact where I can pray for someone to be healed and truly live with the power of God flowing through my life, so that the Scriptures are true and God's healing power and loving heart is made manifest through me. There is so much my heart is hungering for, but my flesh is fighting exhaustion. My body has never been strong and the demands mothering brings has been a physical challenge.

But again, God is shedding light on my stubbornness and independence from Him. In one of my complaining sessions with Him, He spoke to my heart, "You want our relationship to be on your terms, but it just can't be. It has to be on my terms. I'm here and waiting, but you have to surrender these things..." Then I think, "Why is it that you always think I can handle more than I think I can handle? Can't I just stay a baby and not have to grow up and drink this cup?"

Then I remember that everything with God is easy. He is meek and lowly in heart, His yoke easy and his burden light. Futhermore, His grace is sufficient and He is the One at work in my life. I can surrender myself to the gentle flow of grace and find my thirst quenched, heart strengthened, mind edified, and spirit empowered... How easily I forget!!!

Anyway, I am blessed beyond measure, and am returning to that place of peace where my soul is at rest in his Presence. Still, though, I wait for God to heal my physical body and give me one day without pain and weakness... I'm going from glory to glory!! Praise God!