This boundary thing is becoming a huge topic for me. A friend I mentioned in my previous post has been listening to my struggles and advising me to read the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Tounsend. I borrowed the book from our church library but hadn't had the opportunity to read it yet. Then, as Lynn mentioned, our SOAK topic of discussion was about dealing with hurts and appropriate boundaries. God is trying to get through to me!
I opened the book up on our way home last night and read the first chapter, which traced the life and thoughts of one woman throughout one day of her life. I found myself very clearly relating to some patterns of her thinking...
God is confronting me about boundaries from a very different perspective than Lynn's. The authors wrote that people who experienced abuse in their lifetime seem to have boundaries backwards. They set up boundaries that keep the bad in and the good out instead of the healthy boundaries that keep the good in and the bad out. This is very characteristic of me. It's a heavy topic and a little hard to swallow... but God is beginning to do a work in me once again. He is so faithful with His truth and gentle in His delivery. But my heart is tired of fighting these battles and weary of hurt in relationships.
I need strength to "own my own yard" and set up appropriate boundaries that allow me to live the abundant life in the Lord He promised. He has healed my heart of so much hurt and drawn me into His spirit; but I've continued in the unhealthy habits of not knowing how to take care of myself and my life appropriately. This has to change for I am unable to function in full obedience and trust when remaining in these unhealthy patterns.
Father, I lay all of this down before you again for You are the Potter and I am the clay. You are the living Word and I ask that you renew my mind in Your truth and strengthen my character as a woman of truth. For I am yours and long to reflect your true character in my own life! Help me to know the truth, that I may be set free, and free indeed.
I thank you for Your Spirit who empowers me to live a life of love, power, and wisdom. Please lead and guide me in all these things.
5.28.2007
5.23.2007
The good and the bad.
The Bad.
The past week has been... trying.
My health has been very bad.
I have not dealt with it well.
(The physical symptoms my body undergoes seem to be connected to emotional trauma from my past and every time I am sore, it is almost like reliving some emotional trauma... This drastically effects my relationships, and I begin to feel lost, helpless, and withdrawn.)
Also, we had quite an unexpected blow for us as a family that results in an Erskines-on-their-knees-before-the-Lord time.
The Good.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26)
Every morning as I am getting ready for the day, I go to Gail's "Daily Bread" cards which I placed above the sink in the kitchen. God speaks to me powerfully through these verses throughout the day! He strengthens me in His Word when I am weak and my spirit grows stronger and stronger in Him. He draws me into His presence where I am safe and understood. He sends forth His word and He heals me (Psalm 107). Praise God!
I shared the situation with my health with a dear friend who has been a God-appointed sister since we moved here to Truro. She pressed a little deeper and easily understood where I was coming from. She blessed me and encouraged me as we shared related struggles and testimonies toward wholeness in our Savior. Praise God!
My husband does not always understand what I am going through during these seasons of trial and testing. Often times, it can put strain on our marriage as I struggle with my emotions, unsure of how to deal with them appropriately. This time has been beautiful and tender. I drew into His arms instead of away, and He showed compassion and tenderness instead of frustration and confusion (though he is most always compassionate and tender). Praise God!
Also, I have been sinfully worried about the transition between house sitting and moving into our own home (end of June). Long story short... we had only committed to stay here through the spring, which we will be doing, but they need someone to take care of this home until late August (which means paying the bills). I do not know if it is my place to mention this publicly, therefore I will be vague. There is a new couple to town who are looking for a place to stay while they do ministry during the months of July and August and are wondering if this might be the place! The timing is so perfect I read the e-mail and burst into laughter. Whether or not this works out, it is a reminder to me of how God's timing is perfect and He does see the road ahead. He knows how all of this will work out and He has never left us nor forsaken us! Praise God!
The sun came out today! Praise God!
The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. (Psalm 145:18)
The past week has been... trying.
My health has been very bad.
I have not dealt with it well.
(The physical symptoms my body undergoes seem to be connected to emotional trauma from my past and every time I am sore, it is almost like reliving some emotional trauma... This drastically effects my relationships, and I begin to feel lost, helpless, and withdrawn.)
Also, we had quite an unexpected blow for us as a family that results in an Erskines-on-their-knees-before-the-Lord time.
The Good.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26)
Every morning as I am getting ready for the day, I go to Gail's "Daily Bread" cards which I placed above the sink in the kitchen. God speaks to me powerfully through these verses throughout the day! He strengthens me in His Word when I am weak and my spirit grows stronger and stronger in Him. He draws me into His presence where I am safe and understood. He sends forth His word and He heals me (Psalm 107). Praise God!
I shared the situation with my health with a dear friend who has been a God-appointed sister since we moved here to Truro. She pressed a little deeper and easily understood where I was coming from. She blessed me and encouraged me as we shared related struggles and testimonies toward wholeness in our Savior. Praise God!
My husband does not always understand what I am going through during these seasons of trial and testing. Often times, it can put strain on our marriage as I struggle with my emotions, unsure of how to deal with them appropriately. This time has been beautiful and tender. I drew into His arms instead of away, and He showed compassion and tenderness instead of frustration and confusion (though he is most always compassionate and tender). Praise God!
Also, I have been sinfully worried about the transition between house sitting and moving into our own home (end of June). Long story short... we had only committed to stay here through the spring, which we will be doing, but they need someone to take care of this home until late August (which means paying the bills). I do not know if it is my place to mention this publicly, therefore I will be vague. There is a new couple to town who are looking for a place to stay while they do ministry during the months of July and August and are wondering if this might be the place! The timing is so perfect I read the e-mail and burst into laughter. Whether or not this works out, it is a reminder to me of how God's timing is perfect and He does see the road ahead. He knows how all of this will work out and He has never left us nor forsaken us! Praise God!
The sun came out today! Praise God!
The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. (Psalm 145:18)
5.21.2007
To love.
"For God so loved the world..." (John 3:16)
Isn't it interesting that God has called us to be in the world but not of the world. But in this world, we are commanded to do one thing which sums up all the law and the prophets... love.
I think we often translate love as "politeness" or maybe kindness... The command to love others is fulfilled in being generally kind and polite to mankind. We can reasonably respect others opinions and personal rights and call this "loving our neighbor".
But God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son... God loved unto His own death and ultimately unto life.
I'm so challenged to love with this kind of love... this kind of love that so transforms a person that all the law and the prophets are fulfilled in it... It's much deeper and more powerful than general politeness or even respect. It's involved... it's painful... it's sacrificial...it's unto life...
We talk a lot about God being glorified in our lives as we do His will and perform the good works He has laid out for us to do. But I think God is showing me how the ultimate challenge is in our relationships, relationships that love unto life.
Is God glorified through signs and wonders? Yes.
Is He glorified in creation? Yes.
Is He glorified in a submitted life? Absolutely.
But He is uniquely glorified in the expression of His love from one unto another. Greater love has no man than this, that a man should lay down his life for his friend. The enemy has no weapon to fight against love! It never fails! But isn't it the hardest thing of all to do! Don't we sugar coat and avoid the true cost of this life of love? Don't we fail to represent the love of God in our relationships!? But this is the only commandment! To love!
And these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Father, so far this life of love has been painful and full of failures. I fall short of it every day! If ever I needed your strength it is for this. I am the Vine and you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, He will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing... Remain in my love! (John 15)
Father, I believe you can change the world through one heart who is willing, however impossible it may seem, to love as you love. What is impossible with man is possible with God.
Father, be glorified!
Isn't it interesting that God has called us to be in the world but not of the world. But in this world, we are commanded to do one thing which sums up all the law and the prophets... love.
I think we often translate love as "politeness" or maybe kindness... The command to love others is fulfilled in being generally kind and polite to mankind. We can reasonably respect others opinions and personal rights and call this "loving our neighbor".
But God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son... God loved unto His own death and ultimately unto life.
I'm so challenged to love with this kind of love... this kind of love that so transforms a person that all the law and the prophets are fulfilled in it... It's much deeper and more powerful than general politeness or even respect. It's involved... it's painful... it's sacrificial...it's unto life...
We talk a lot about God being glorified in our lives as we do His will and perform the good works He has laid out for us to do. But I think God is showing me how the ultimate challenge is in our relationships, relationships that love unto life.
Is God glorified through signs and wonders? Yes.
Is He glorified in creation? Yes.
Is He glorified in a submitted life? Absolutely.
But He is uniquely glorified in the expression of His love from one unto another. Greater love has no man than this, that a man should lay down his life for his friend. The enemy has no weapon to fight against love! It never fails! But isn't it the hardest thing of all to do! Don't we sugar coat and avoid the true cost of this life of love? Don't we fail to represent the love of God in our relationships!? But this is the only commandment! To love!
And these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Father, so far this life of love has been painful and full of failures. I fall short of it every day! If ever I needed your strength it is for this. I am the Vine and you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, He will bear much fruit. Apart from me you can do nothing... Remain in my love! (John 15)
Father, I believe you can change the world through one heart who is willing, however impossible it may seem, to love as you love. What is impossible with man is possible with God.
Father, be glorified!
5.19.2007
Security.
It has been such a challenge for me to trust in the Lord with our finances. I have this undergirding fear that we will not really be able to get our house, or we will get it, but we will be bogged down in bills and unable to live...
God challenges me again and again in this regard. I want to focus on the number in our savings account, building up a false sense of security. But God wants me to focus on having a giving spirit, entrusting the rest to Him and being content no matter the outcome.
It is so hard to give when I want to hoard everything we have for fear of losing it all! But why should I fear? If God is for us who can be against us? Doesn't our father own a thousand cattle on a thousand hills (or whatever)? Doesn't He know how to give good gifts to His children? Doesn't He tell us not to worry about what we will eat or what we will wear?
I am facing a new challenge of growth in this area of my life. The more I am tempted to "hoard", the more I must give. The more I am tempted to feel long-term security based on a number in a bank account, the more I must live in each day, content with the fact that we have enough food to eat and share with others for today.
Father help me to have a giving spirit, for it is better to give than to receive. I do not want to fear poverty, but rather be content in your blessings, secure in your Fatherly love and provision.
Please help us to make wise decisions, but above all, may we be open vessels for Your blessings to pour in and through us. For You have blessed us that we might be a blessing, and it is better to give than to receive.
God challenges me again and again in this regard. I want to focus on the number in our savings account, building up a false sense of security. But God wants me to focus on having a giving spirit, entrusting the rest to Him and being content no matter the outcome.
It is so hard to give when I want to hoard everything we have for fear of losing it all! But why should I fear? If God is for us who can be against us? Doesn't our father own a thousand cattle on a thousand hills (or whatever)? Doesn't He know how to give good gifts to His children? Doesn't He tell us not to worry about what we will eat or what we will wear?
I am facing a new challenge of growth in this area of my life. The more I am tempted to "hoard", the more I must give. The more I am tempted to feel long-term security based on a number in a bank account, the more I must live in each day, content with the fact that we have enough food to eat and share with others for today.
Father help me to have a giving spirit, for it is better to give than to receive. I do not want to fear poverty, but rather be content in your blessings, secure in your Fatherly love and provision.
Please help us to make wise decisions, but above all, may we be open vessels for Your blessings to pour in and through us. For You have blessed us that we might be a blessing, and it is better to give than to receive.
5.17.2007
Help!
Today we enjoyed our weekly prayer meeting with the Mayor of Truro.
It is always a strange feeling, when I first walk into the Mayor's office for prayer... That's just not what one would expect as an occasion for the Mayor! But still, we pray. We share how we are doing and what needs are prevalent in the Mayor's life and the town of Truro, and then we pray.
God is so good! More and more during these meetings, I see why God has brought us here. There is such an outcry for His Spirit in this town! Sometimes, in that office, I am so overcome by the stirrings of the Spirit within, I do not dare open my mouth and speak, for who knows what would come out!
Oh help us Father! Help us to be vessels of Your Spirit! Help us to rest in your house, where you have prepared a table before us in the presence of our enemies. You've invited us in to dine with you, to eat and drink of You and be satisfied. You've offered us living waters that we might become fountains of living water that well up within us and pour out from us. Your Word says that you will make rivers in the wilderness and waters in the desert... And as deer panting after streams of water, we will come to You and drink!
I am regularly overcome in these prayer meetings, when we pray for revival - for God to send His Spirit, for HE IS ALREADY HERE!!! We needn't beg Him to come! He is already here and we must come to Him!!!
O help us, Father. Give us ears to here and eyes to see. May we know You and worship You in Spirit and in truth. May You be glorified as we open ourselves up to be vessels of Your Spirit, fountains of living water flowing over onto a dry and thirsty land.
O help us, Lord!
It is always a strange feeling, when I first walk into the Mayor's office for prayer... That's just not what one would expect as an occasion for the Mayor! But still, we pray. We share how we are doing and what needs are prevalent in the Mayor's life and the town of Truro, and then we pray.
God is so good! More and more during these meetings, I see why God has brought us here. There is such an outcry for His Spirit in this town! Sometimes, in that office, I am so overcome by the stirrings of the Spirit within, I do not dare open my mouth and speak, for who knows what would come out!
Oh help us Father! Help us to be vessels of Your Spirit! Help us to rest in your house, where you have prepared a table before us in the presence of our enemies. You've invited us in to dine with you, to eat and drink of You and be satisfied. You've offered us living waters that we might become fountains of living water that well up within us and pour out from us. Your Word says that you will make rivers in the wilderness and waters in the desert... And as deer panting after streams of water, we will come to You and drink!
I am regularly overcome in these prayer meetings, when we pray for revival - for God to send His Spirit, for HE IS ALREADY HERE!!! We needn't beg Him to come! He is already here and we must come to Him!!!
O help us, Father. Give us ears to here and eyes to see. May we know You and worship You in Spirit and in truth. May You be glorified as we open ourselves up to be vessels of Your Spirit, fountains of living water flowing over onto a dry and thirsty land.
O help us, Lord!
5.15.2007
He is, today.
Today is another humbling day. Not a good day, or a bad day... but "a day of grace" (as Graham Cook put it).
Father, I thank you for Your grace today.
Some Scriptures He is whispering to my heart for today:
This is the day that the Lord has made! I will be glad and rejoice in it!
Give us this day our daily bread…
Today, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts…
A day is to the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as a day.
Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
The Lord’s mercies are new every morning!
Father, I surrender my fears, my anxieties, my longings to you today. I cannot offer you the worship of tomorrow, but I can worship You today, and today over and over again...
I bow before your throne of grace, declaring you as the King of my life, the Lord of my heart, the God who reigns on high today! Lead me and guide me today into all truth and wisdom. Lead me into your green pastures and beside the still waters today. For today you have prepared a place for me in the presence of my enemies, and today I will dwell in the house of the lord... and forevermore!
Thank you for today. Help me to be diligent to enter your rest today. For I am resting in the palm of your hands and you are the God of today.
He was, and is, and is to come.
Father, I thank you for Your grace today.
Some Scriptures He is whispering to my heart for today:
This is the day that the Lord has made! I will be glad and rejoice in it!
Give us this day our daily bread…
Today, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts…
A day is to the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as a day.
Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries of its own.
The Lord’s mercies are new every morning!
Father, I surrender my fears, my anxieties, my longings to you today. I cannot offer you the worship of tomorrow, but I can worship You today, and today over and over again...
I bow before your throne of grace, declaring you as the King of my life, the Lord of my heart, the God who reigns on high today! Lead me and guide me today into all truth and wisdom. Lead me into your green pastures and beside the still waters today. For today you have prepared a place for me in the presence of my enemies, and today I will dwell in the house of the lord... and forevermore!
Thank you for today. Help me to be diligent to enter your rest today. For I am resting in the palm of your hands and you are the God of today.
He was, and is, and is to come.
5.14.2007
Strength.
I have been so humbled and challenged after preaching the sermon I preached last weekend on sufficient grace. As usual, I was slow in understanding what the Lord was teaching me.
I so often fall into the trap of thinking that I am working toward a goal of being perfect, or "right". When I am thinking that way, it is to get discouraged. It seems as though the more I press in to the love of God, the more I become aware of my shortcomings! ...like I am getting worse, not better. In reality, all these things I see now, the Lord has always seen, even with all of the other things I was dealing with before! I was saved by grace then, and I'm saved by grace now. His grace is sufficient!!!
But sufficient for what? For me to be strong... His strength is made perfect in my weakness...
Father, teach me about your grace that humbles and strengthens/empowers me into a life of grace!
God began working on my heart as I was humbled by His Word, and my obvious insufficiency for this life. I have always felt weak, especially since I started struggling physically. I fought to be strong, fighting the fear that I was too weak and would never make it. I would never be strong enough to hold my head above water, to achieve a life that glorifies God, to have unshakable faith, joy that defies my circumstances, and most of all, love - a holy love, pure and true, a love from and for God and for others (starting with my husband!). I am weak, Lord! Help!
But God, in His patience with me, kept ministering to my heart, even after I already preached the sermon... When I am weak, then I am strong!
We often say in our humility, "I am weak, but God is strong!" But Paul didn't say that. He said, "When I am weak, then I am strong." God is helping understand the life of strength He has for me... and how He sees me as strong, not weak like I might see myself. I must learn to own the strength He's given me as Paul did. I cannot humbly accept my weakness and say, "but God is strong!" My life will simply reflect the life of a weak human being who says God is strong. But God wants to perfect His strength in my weakness... so that I am strong!
God is showing me how I must own His strength, but out of humility. When I own his strength, in grace, (for I am His and He is mine! and He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power of love, and of a sound mind!) than I can live a life that brings glory and honor to the Name of God because His strength is being made perfect in my weakness!
I praise you Lord, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made! You have given me the capacity to know you, and reflect Your image! Father, you've made me strong, like a tree planted by streams of water,which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. (Psalm 1:3)
Help me Lord, to walk humbly and strengthened in your sufficient grace!
I so often fall into the trap of thinking that I am working toward a goal of being perfect, or "right". When I am thinking that way, it is to get discouraged. It seems as though the more I press in to the love of God, the more I become aware of my shortcomings! ...like I am getting worse, not better. In reality, all these things I see now, the Lord has always seen, even with all of the other things I was dealing with before! I was saved by grace then, and I'm saved by grace now. His grace is sufficient!!!
But sufficient for what? For me to be strong... His strength is made perfect in my weakness...
Father, teach me about your grace that humbles and strengthens/empowers me into a life of grace!
God began working on my heart as I was humbled by His Word, and my obvious insufficiency for this life. I have always felt weak, especially since I started struggling physically. I fought to be strong, fighting the fear that I was too weak and would never make it. I would never be strong enough to hold my head above water, to achieve a life that glorifies God, to have unshakable faith, joy that defies my circumstances, and most of all, love - a holy love, pure and true, a love from and for God and for others (starting with my husband!). I am weak, Lord! Help!
But God, in His patience with me, kept ministering to my heart, even after I already preached the sermon... When I am weak, then I am strong!
We often say in our humility, "I am weak, but God is strong!" But Paul didn't say that. He said, "When I am weak, then I am strong." God is helping understand the life of strength He has for me... and how He sees me as strong, not weak like I might see myself. I must learn to own the strength He's given me as Paul did. I cannot humbly accept my weakness and say, "but God is strong!" My life will simply reflect the life of a weak human being who says God is strong. But God wants to perfect His strength in my weakness... so that I am strong!
God is showing me how I must own His strength, but out of humility. When I own his strength, in grace, (for I am His and He is mine! and He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power of love, and of a sound mind!) than I can live a life that brings glory and honor to the Name of God because His strength is being made perfect in my weakness!
I praise you Lord, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made! You have given me the capacity to know you, and reflect Your image! Father, you've made me strong, like a tree planted by streams of water,which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. (Psalm 1:3)
Help me Lord, to walk humbly and strengthened in your sufficient grace!
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