Father, I think I am a spoiled rotten brat.
I have been trying to write and prepare for this weekend's worship workshop as well as preaching on Sunday morning. I find it so hard to prepare and wrap my mind around what the Spirit is speaking to my heart. Part of it though is that all of my insecurities rise up in the face of such obedience - to go where you tell me to go and say what you tell me to say (Jer 1). But you promised to be with me and deliver me.
I should be so delighted that you would speak to me and show me the mysteries of your Word in the Spirit. I should be so honored and thankful, worshipful, singing praises of glory and thanksgiving unto your Name! Instead I am wallowing in self pity. I am like Jonah going to speak the Word of the Lord to Ninevah; except I do not grieve their repentence, I grieve their division. I want to plant my feet and not go another step into you Spirit because I feel the opposition of the religious in the church. I want everything to go smoothly and for everyone to get along. I want to make peace and keep peace. I don't want to come with a sword and divide father and mother, son and daughter.
But I am forgetting, aren't I, that it is not me who carries the sword. I am to live in your faithfulness and obey your Word. You are the Sword. If they reject me, they are really rejecting You. That doesn't really make me feel any better; but it is truth.
Lord, you are my strength. Your grace is sufficient. And you are good! Your Spirit brings life, goodness, fruits of love and joy and peace... How could that be bad? How could I possibly think of it as a bad thing for Your Spirit to come and move?
Purify my heart, O God. Sanctify me and extend our mercy. Strength me to obey and teach me to delight in You. To commit my way unto you trustig that you shall bring it to pass.
You are my life and my salvation, whom shall I fear?
You are the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?
I choose to delight in You, O Lord and to delight in Your Law.
All glory and honor and praise be unto our Name.
Amen
